I’m no quiet person. It’s simply just not my nature. And I’ve definitely not been nurtured to be quiet. My family was NEVER quiet. Rarely did I ever concern myself with the height or tone of my voice. I recall, even as a small child, when we would sleep; I could hear my mom hustle and bustle around the main quarters of our home tidying up what she could, then I typically would hear my grandmother come in late at night to talk and sometimes she’d still be there in the wee hours of the dawn when I’d meander into the dining area begging for water or a snack. Age and life only magnified the immense noise within and outside of me in every way. I preferred noise; because, without noise on the outside I’d be left to the noise in my head; mulling over every misshapen step I took and foolish fallacy I uttered.
Practicing quietness. This has been dropped into my spirit. It’s almost a plea I’ve felt well up within me. Begging me. As if my soul, my very spirit; is pleading: “Strive to be still. Be quiet!” (If you know me at all, you probably laughed put loud. Hope you weren’t drinking anything!) Once I began this practice I began to see aspects of myself which were hidden, at least I thought. Some part of me wishes these unsightly flaws were still hidden. Covered beneath a veil of chaos, because in the midst of the chaos, I didn’t need to deal with them. (Again, so I thought!)
Wonderous blessings are mine to be had, but how will I ever identify them if I can’t see them for all the chaos. It’s like trying to pinpoint your friend in a sea of people at a stadium. You tap a shoulder and begin to embrace them, only to be met with a glare of contempt. Uh-oh. That’s not who you thought. Suddenly you feel silly and oddly ashamed. Chaos is that crowd and sometimes, you think you’re about to embrace a blessing yet you’re just disturbing the chaos.
I have lost count how many times I’ve been reminded to practice quietness. To be still. I need so many reminders. Lest I forget that God is a still small voice who longs for relationship, with me. And with YOU.