Trust the Process.

I’m reading a thirty-day devotional and today’s made me really ponder. This post began as a short status update but morphed into this post.

Today’s reading is called “Farming Your Seed”

How often I act and parent as though I can literally control every aspect of my children and family. When, in reality, all I CAN control is myself and what I impart. The receiving is up to them. My task is to plant the seeds and determine the care needed to foster proper growth.

Depending on what you’re growing, it is key to soften the soil and maybe even add some dirt and compost. Can I really say I’ve done my due diligence if I neglect to properly assess the planting area? If I neglect to properly care for the plants before, during and after I plant them; am I doing my job or just putting on a front?

Too often have I ended a seemingly pointless battle with my five-year-old over his attitude, in wrought frustration and feeling like a failure. “He cannot treat others this way!” I have murmured to myself through heated and sometimes tearful breaths. While it’s true, I likely neglected to properly prepare the soil. Don’t be confused, I know I’m not God; I cannot prepare his heart. I can, however; toil the planting area before I toss my seed and expect growth.

Whatever you’re cultivating in this season, it’s all a process:

Prepare – Know your Seed

The soil must be properly prepared; be it toiling, adding nutrients, soaking; etc. Sometimes the seeds need to be dried or peeled prior to planting. A good farmer knows what needs to be prepared and takes action.

Plant – Know your Soil

So many aspects affect this stage. How deep? How moist? How much sun? How much shade? How much natural water? Is it protected from animals or the cold? The list could go on. Know your soil, know your seed.

Provide – Consistency

As the farmer, you provide care, protection, and nutrition. There’s pruning, guiding of vines/branches; protection from too much or too little light, too much heat or cold, animals and insects; adding plant food and watering. When nothing sprouts, you don’t stop watering.

Procure – Reap a Harvest

This is the part we usually love or hate the most. Sometimes it’s quick and swift; sometimes it’s long and agonizing. Part of knowing your plants is to know when to harvest, and how. I recently looked into harvesting tea. You need lots of plants, but it doesn’t take long and you break off part of the stalk, leaving two maybe three shoots for regrowth.

Propagate – Multiply

What good is farming if it ends after one harvest? The reaper must know how to propagate the seeds from the harvest to continue (or how to care for the plant to regrow new fruit). It’s important to remember that, we can only control our part in all of this. We can only do what we can do, and when it seems it’s not enough- trust the process and keep on watering your seeds – consistency is key.

Don’t lose hope when the seed doesn’t sprout or when the tree only flowers and doesn’t fruit; seek knowledge and remain consistent. Oh, and don’t be afraid to make measured and wise changes to see better growth.

“God, sometimes, I’m tempted to believe I’m responsible for everything and everyone. But that’s my way of trying to control the world. Help me to take my hands off the wheel. You’re in charge Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Happy Sowing and Reaping, my friends!

If you’d like to check out Vertical 30 day Discipleship Journey by Jeff Hoglen, click here! You won’t regret it. Promise.

System Failure

For a long time I considered the past year or two, that of loss. From loved ones dying, to relationships I held dear crumbling, to my sanity; I felt like I had lost so much.

The truth is, while I felt and thought that way; that is all it was. Loss. It brought on all the feelings and thoughts and results of loss too. I let it. I embraced all of it. For too long.

Then, my perspective changed. It wasn’t full of “loss”. It was full of letting go. Letting the hurt and anger go. Letting go of the toxic relationships that cycled me back to digging my pit deeper still. When I embraced letting go, instead of embracing loss; it all flipped. I stopped trying to force a system on top of all the things I was still grasping for. I stopped searching for the right system for me and all of my cluttered mess. It was then that I was set free from my top-security-self-constructed-prison of “loss”. From people, to thoughts, to judgement from others, to relationships; I began to see that not all of it could fit into a system that would work for me. That was hard. Growing up I didn’t have much and I was often forced to let go of what I did have; at a moment’s notice. Pick up and leave it all behind and not think twice. So as an adult, I was determined I shouldn’t have to let go of so much. I shouldn’t have to lose so much.

I didn’t realize that my system was getting clogged with old habits and relationships and things that weren’t meant to be mine forever. I didn’t think I could operate on a schedule or a system. Systems didn’t work for me; or rather, they didn’t work for the mess I had. I’m too free a spirit to be confined in that way. The truth is, we all have a system. Some are just broken. My system was broken and I was resolved to that.

When I began decluttering my home, (not figuratively; actually decluttering), it was painful. All of these things meant something to me; but really, they meant nothing; they were distractions. The distractions were space fillers to help me ignore the clutter in my head and my heart of relationships and feelings and thoughts.

My husband needs me less cluttered. My children need me less cluttered. My family doesn’t just need a cluttered system clogged with all of my hoarded feelings and toxic relationships. My family needs a peaceful, sane mama, ready to tackle the day with the clutter free system.

So if you’re like me, and you find yourself constantly trying to work a system around clutter and trying to fit all of your baggage into your hold; let it go. You’ll find more freedom than you’ve ever thought possible.

A system full of clutter is broken. Fix it. 🙂

***Let me be clear. This time was in no way full of positive words or events. It sucked. I sucked. I really didn’t recognize myself. I spent so long time clinging to what I thought I knew; that what I knew became stress and that was my normal. That time was dark for me. I felt alone and angry so much.

Rest. (hahaha)

The background to this graphic has a fun backstory.

See, I had been dreaming about this picture; first a friend painted it, then I painted it. Finally, I decided since I was randomly given a nice little art case, and I already have canvasses; I should have some “me time” after the little people went down for bed. I enjoyed myself and had a good laugh when I realized I was mixing mediums. (I didn’t realize my set included water color, acrylic and oils. Oops. We all know water and oil don’t mix; now I know neither does acrylic.) Fun, I did have, nonetheless.

It definitely didn’t turn out like I envisioned. My lovingly, overly honest hubby said “the tree looks kinda sad, withered and dying.” Well then.

Maybe it turned out way below my expectations based on my dream. (Dream-Krystal did it WAY better.) That aside; the message was loud and clear (slightly painful to accept!)

The whole time I was painting this, I kept thinking and hearing rest. Rest. Such a foreign term it seems in the last five years. I really only need four hours of sleep and I don’t know if I even get that.

If not for my children, my brain just won’t shut up. I lay down to rest; but it seems to elude me. I remember that conversation that I said the wrong thing; that moment I didn’t say anything; the time I lost my temper; the chores I never finished; the times I spoke too soon or too fast.

All the things I should, could; need to do better. I mull them over like a cow chewing her cud.

I thought “I could probably use some rest.”(it may have been pushing midnight too…)

I was thinking “rest” and kept trying to think of a verse on rest I knew but it wouldn’t come to me (you know; one to validate how I felt). Even Google seemed to fail me. I was thinking more along the lines of “rest in the shadow of the most high” and decided it would come to me; opened a Bible study and got “but you would have none of it.”


I know the tone this phrase takes. I’ve said similar to my children. When they scream “I’m so hungry moooommmm”. Well loves, I offered you good, filling food. But you wanted none of it.”


I was painting to relax before bed, not be convicted. Geez. My plans are not His, right??

Quietness and rest are definitely not my strong suits. (Still. Remember Practicing Quietness? Still not there.)

I’ve come along way in repentance and admitting wrong. Even if I am still super awkward. Repentance is outward, and upward, but quietness; that’s inward. Quietness is not so easily endured.

Quietness just seems to go against my nature. However, I’m finding that in the quiet, I have a chance to regain vision and regroup.

Tricky, tricky seasons

If I am to set the mood in my home and I react to my children’s whining, attitude and outbursts of anger; with the same; I’m affecting no change. In fact, I’m only growing the tension and strife in my home.

When the atmosphere in my home is not the sweet aroma which we long for, I can accept it; or I can work the soil of my Childrens hearts, my home and myself.

Maybe you are out there reading this, and this doesn’t apply to you. I applaud you. Truly. For those who are having to take about ten steps backwards, and re-evaluate their entire parenting game; it’s going to be alright. There will probably be a very short time when you think “wow that really changed their behavior quickly!” I feel like this is likened to North Carolina’s “false spring”. It’s almost spring, just not quite, but we have a few days of amazing weather before we are FREEZING again. Remember one thing. It’s only for a season. Persevere.

We are still in the “second winter” here. They know something has changed and are vying for the ability to pitch fits to control the outcome; and it’s just not happening anymore. Patrick and I remind each other not to let it get us.

Be encouraged today.

I want to shout out Amber Lia and Wendy Speake book Parenting Scripts. I’m including a link not a paid sponsor but it’s seriously great! Parenting Scripts

Happy Heart Day

If I’m not careful, I easily veer into cynicism regarding commercial holidays. “They are engineered to make me spend money” I say … Ahh, such is life. I can get caught up in the throes of life and forget that these little humans of mine marvel and find magic in the simple things such as paints and a special day.

I bought “heart day” decorations a month ago and totally forgot about them. I even lost a whole bag somehow. However. The excitement on this girls face when she saw paints and heart lights and decorations and cards – priceless. And her first words were: “oh my ‘brodder’ and Sister are gonna love this.

She then picked out who got what painting based on what they like the most and then went on to talk about who she is going to give her painting to and who she is giving cards to; then singing her own song about how special today is. ❤️ I’ll celebrate her sweet little heart any day I can.

I’d love to hear how you all make special days unique for your little ones or even your special someone!

Today Matters

If I’m not careful, I can get stuck on my yesterday. My failures from yesterday; the nostalgia of yesteryear. I have to remind myself of this concept regularly; but I really like how simple John says it. Yesterday ended last night. Today is new. Today matters.

I read the above picture today and it struck in me a realization. This right here is why I blog. I’m a social person. But I spend most of my days talking to toddlers and telling stories of princesses and pirates. I lowonve to write and dig deep into life and pull out the coals that I know are diamonds. I love being a momma too; it’s just that, they don’t relate to the digging deep I long to do. So I put it all here for you to read, because “there is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you.” (Maya Angelou)

I remember my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Monroe, introducing us to Ms. Angelou’s works of art. It’s what inspired me to write. I won a poetry contest that year. Throughout my life, her words have inspired me, challenged me and spurred me on. Now, I have expanded my scope; but her boldness and ferocity still put a fire in me when I read her works.